Compassionate Eater Gifts

The Birth Of A Vegetarian

Vegetarian Society "In the wake of all these health scares we've changed our message somewhat."

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"We're having chicken Cuca for dinner tonight!"

"We give thanks for plant-based meals that spare some of us. . . and those humans who choose these."

"We'll be using a pig's kidney in the transplant....Suit yourself, we'll try a turnip, good luck with that!"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Prejudice/Empathy

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Is it free-range?"

'Are you sure these sprouts aren't GM?.'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"