Company Upgrade Gifts

'Last call to hand in your old desktops. We also ask that all disco balls be removed.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"I'll take your request for an office with a sunny spot into consideration."

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

"I got connected to the internet!"

'Behind every great business deal is a company lawyer advising against it.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

'I told you I'd deal with your transfer request, Jenkins. Cut the deck!'

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

"For an up to date picture, I suggest we reconvene under the table."

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should upgrade our computer system."

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

'Would it kill you to go for a computer upgrade?'

'Well, no wonder I feel blocked.'

'When we started the company it was just a little cottage industry.' 'Megaco Incorporated.'

I can be upgraded, can you?

"After you're done crank starting your computer, maybe we can talk about investing in better technology."

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

'Oh, we haven't used a crystal ball in years.'