Company Manager Gifts

'What this company needs are some new and original old-fashioned ideas.'

"Yes, the company is heavily into R&D... rust and decay!"

'Our system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

'Sorry - as part of our new company wellness program - we have to let you go.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'We're down here to see how other company departments including shipping function.'

I know how you feel, looking at the VDU screen makes me feel ill too.

'Sir, we've just received word that our company is not longer a threat to the environment, and you have a squirrel holding on line two.'

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"Here comes Paul. Maybe he can help us turn things around."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork