Corporate Management Gifts

"Well, then, it's unanimous."

'What if we don't change at all ... and something magical just happens?'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"So that is unanimous then - nobody has a clue what to do."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

'It appears we've accidentally laid off all the people who 'do' things.'

'Let's all link hands and think positive thoughts...'

"For the past six months we have discussed and agreed on our requirements, and chosen our route to market. Two weeks before we start the tender process I thought it would be nice to invite the Head of Procurement in so he can finish it all off for us..."

'The lab has come up with a neat solution to our staffing problem. These are junior executives in the larval stage.'

'Need I remind you, Doctor, that you signed over intellectual property rights to the lab?'

'You gave the Research & Development guys an unlimited budget--and they exceeded it.'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

"Good solution, Bob. Now all we need is a good problem."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

People, what a fantastic opportunity for a reset!

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

'All those who think change is good, say aye...'

"Something makes me feel you want comfortable with change."

'If you can control your emotions I will make you a branch manager. Yippee.'

"It's from corporate. They need us to cut operating expenses even more."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

"..and if the chairman rings, find out who he is."

'I am open to alternative ideas, and if i think of any I'll give it my utmost consideration.'

Desk plaque reads: Plunder globally, media-manage locally.

'We're gaining market share in the areas where we lose money.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

Of course cutting back on this level of bureaucracy will require a lot of work... We'll need LOTS more staff... And personnel will need extra support with recruitment.

'We haven't posted a profit in 15 years. I suggest we re-think our concept.'

'Well this is a tough choice.'

Chairman of a variety of companies

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"According to the most recent report, we have no recourse but to abandon ship."