Corporate Manager Gifts

'Run this by 'Legal,' but sprint it by 'Ethics.''

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

Come over here.

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

'Do everything ethically ... within reason, of course.'

'I've been restructured.'

'To improve our teamwork, only three chutes will open.'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

"It's time to brainstorm our mission statement...."

"The question is: shall we follow the 5 year, 12 million dollar task force recommendations, or just wing it as we go along?"

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'This isn't the meeting. This is the pre-premeeting to talk about when to meet and plan the meeting.'

'Well, for two companies with such different corporate cultures, I think the merger's going surprisingly well!'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

No Surprises

Code of ethics.

'We reorganized so many times we are now one of our own subsidiaries.'

'What a great day! I spent the morning burning bridges and the afternoon putting out fires!'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Whenever I get discouraged, I just say to myself 'Sure, my company exploits indigenous people around the world, plunders natural resources and leaves desolation in its wake, but, by golly, that's not what defines me as a person!...''

"Turning our dismal performance around might be easier if we eliminated our ethics committee."

'Shall we allow a near-term consideration of 'ethics' to lower profit margins? . . . . I think we're better than that!'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Gentlemen, we need new blood!'

"I hope this makes it clearer?"

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

Tied up in red tape.

'That's your big marketing plan?'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'Never mind the dramatics, Watkins. Just read the treasurer's report.'

'Before we examine the company's last quarter, let me remind you 25$ can go a long way...'

'I don't care how young it makes you feel. You work here, you carry a briefcase.'

man pumping up profit balloon

"For the past six months we have discussed and agreed on our requirements, and chosen our route to market. Two weeks before we start the tender process I thought it would be nice to invite the Head of Procurement in so he can finish it all off for us..."