Corporate Governance Gifts

"These new regulations will fundamentally change the way we get around them."

'If we do applaud transparency, will anyone see it?'

"I hope you don't think that you have a monopoly on ethics."

'Who's the designated leaker?'

"I've never understood—what is the difference between morals and ethics?"

'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?'

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

"We can't call it restructuring, we did that in 98' and 97',"

'And the vote to have a unanimous consensus passed five to two.'

"As you know we've made a lot of acquisitions lately, and the last one we made seems to have resulted in us buying ourselves."

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

"The question is: shall we follow the 5 year, 12 million dollar task force recommendations, or just wing it as we go along?"

"It's not all bad. We still have enough cash for bribing the prison guards."

Chinese Whispers In The Boardroom

"I think the reason our international unit is performing badly is because our mission statement says 'think locally and act locally'."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

We found 'im!

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'At Filmore holdings, we don't break the law. We donate to politicians to change the law.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Turning our dismal performance around might be easier if we eliminated our ethics committee."

'Good news: First-quarter profits should be strong and second-quarter prison sentences should be light.'

'That leaves plan 'B' - absconding with the remaining funds.'

'Gentlemen, we need new blood!'

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

"So it's agreed that we pursue radical change as long as it doesn't impact on current practices and policies."

bound by restrictive covenant

'Would you please send in one of my 'yes-man' to break this tie?'

Contract Mouse Trap

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"We want a management buy out - if you'll lend us the money."

"You regulators are never satisfied. You wanted more transparency, so we put more windows in the building."