Commute Dodger Gifts

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Sloth traffic jam.

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

Road Construction.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

The bus home.

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

'Remind me not to carpool with Paul again.'

"And the dim fluorescent lighting is meant to emphasize the general absence of hope."

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

"Yes, yes, but it’s only an hour from Manhattan."

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"Most employees struggle with the job's monotony, but Chris has learned he can spend hours feeding off the adrenaline from a reckless commute."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"And now for a terrific report: There is..."

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."