Commute Dodger T-Shirts

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Sloth traffic jam.

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'Roy! Over here! This line is way shorter.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

Road Construction.

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

The bus home.

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'Remind me not to carpool with Paul again.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"No, Senator, I'm afraid stretching the truth doesn't count as yoga."

"And the dim fluorescent lighting is meant to emphasize the general absence of hope."

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"Yes, yes, but it’s only an hour from Manhattan."

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'I don't need to go to a gym. One of my classroom management strategies is to circulate frequently around the room. I figure I walk three miles a day.'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

Slimming Club: New Members Entry.

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

"And now for a terrific report: There is..."

Walk right in. Sit right down.