Communications Officer Pillows

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

"I want everyone to know about this - whisper it to Miss Tonks in Accounts."

Information, Clarification, and Correction.

'You can contact us 3 ways: an email that will be trashed, a fax that will be buried, and a letter which will be lost.'

'That's a fax machine. The older guys use it to send messages.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'Don't worry, Mr. Smathers, he'll get on the report as soon as he's finished his poem.'

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

Progressive Media Outlets and The Right.

'Before we begin, management has asked me to announce that it is the policy to discourage all staff members from speaking to the media.'

'Tell me the truth, if the war isn't winnable, is it spinnable?'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"Someone wants to talk to you about your jeep's extended warranty."

The Art of Monopolizing News Media Coverage By Donald Trump.

"Corporately, we value honesty, but we can also appreciate a good spin."

"But on a positive note we've published a pamphlet in 37 languages detailing all the services we can no longer provide."

Spin Doctors INC

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

"Do we go with the patronizingly simple one, or the simply patronizing one?"

This Message Has No Content

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

'This one is for fighting in the front lines of the international spin wars!'

'We're merely sharing info, the way the FBI and CIA have been encouraged to do. We're being patriotic.'

"And who said you could go tabloid, Perkins."

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

"...I've accepted the resignation of Bill, our Chief Corporate Change Agent and New Paradigm Liason. Apparently, he tested positive for illegal, jargon-enhancing steroids!"

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

Communications unit soldier receiving a medal.

The Propaganda Machine.

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

'It was the new kid in our signal corps who caused this problem.'

I like to keep in touch with the frontline troops.