Corporate Communications Officer Pillows

Corporate Communications Department. In the press release just say we're increasing our presence in the lucrative dieting market. Don't say "expand." I probably shouldn't say "bigger piece of the pie" either.

"Great work, Smith. I must say, it's heartening to read a press release that both honors and builds upon the time-honored tradition of artisanal, hand-crafted gobbledygook!"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

This Message Has No Content

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

HR - Helping Relationships

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

Information. Innuendo

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."