Communication Officer Pillows

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

'The bin was kicked over at 3am there is no evidence of terrorist involvement. John Stokes BBC News.'

'The government announced it is keeping the economy moving by hiring more spin doctors, apologists, and popularity pollsters.'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

Secretary of the Air Forces

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Lynching on social media

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

This Message Has No Content

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"You wake up after 100 years and the first thing you do is check your phone?"

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

Target your message

Newspaper suicide.