Communication Captain Pillows

'He's always had difficulty giving people negative feedback!'

'We don't text anymore'

E-mail

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

Lynching on social media

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Campaign for Plain English

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"National security adviser"

Inclusive speech

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"You're such a good listener."

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