Communication Champ Pillows

'If you want to save your marriage, tell each other you're sorry.' 'Youre sorry!'

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

"Anyway, Her Royal Highness here insists I'm sarcastic."

Inclusive speech

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'The bad news is that we've had to inform clients of drastic cuts to services...We managed to do it in 17 languages!'

Edwin Pobursky, sign-language interpreter for deaf-mute callers.

'We're never going to sort out our marital problems like this. Can't we speak to one of your colleagues, darling?'

"My email is down... talk to me."

Couples' therapy

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Teamwork

"Harold, you've changed."

Letter Collecting Nerd

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

'Let us pray...'

WHO checklist

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"Let me know when you get tired of berries. We'll work on your people skills."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

How to Do Small Talk??!!

'She nitpicks all the time!'

"Stop referring to you and me as 'we'!"