Communication Champion Pillows

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

Couples' therapy

"I'm afraid the turnout wasn't as high as we'd hoped. Ten of them misheard the date, six got the time wrong, and most of the rest ended up at the wrong venue."

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'

'You're listening to what you hear. I like that in a teacher.'

"He asked if we had someone on staff who knew sign language and when I said 'yes'....he fainted!"

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

Muzzled People

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"Can I help you!!"

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"So you called my cell phone...and didn't leave a message?"

"Can we talk?"

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

WHO checklist

"My email is down... talk to me."

Inclusive speech

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Teamwork

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"Harold, you've changed."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"Let me know when you get tired of berries. We'll work on your people skills."

'She nitpicks all the time!'

How to Do Small Talk??!!