Communication Champion T-Shirts

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Hello... I will be your instructor for this assertiveness training course... that is... I mean... if you don't mind!"

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

Couples' therapy

"I'm afraid the turnout wasn't as high as we'd hoped. Ten of them misheard the date, six got the time wrong, and most of the rest ended up at the wrong venue."

'I'm going to restate what he just said - especially the part about my being a good listener.'

'You're listening to what you hear. I like that in a teacher.'

"He asked if we had someone on staff who knew sign language and when I said 'yes'....he fainted!"

"Before we got married you said you were oversexed."

Muzzled People

"Apparently women use twice as many words per day as men do."

"How long has your husband gone through life with these 'blinders' on?"

"Can I help you!!"

"Lately she refers to me as her 'insignificant other'."

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

"So you called my cell phone...and didn't leave a message?"

"Can we talk?"

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

WHO checklist

It's time. No. Go away, coot. You agreed it's time for our biannual relationship talk. Question. Does biannual mean twice a year, or every other year? Stop stalling. I want to share my feelings! Make it end.

"My email is down... talk to me."

Inclusive speech

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Teamwork

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Harold, you've changed."

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

Rock star uses phone on stage: 'Hang on Mom, I'm just putting you on speakerphone.'

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

Paranoia vs Social Currency.