Corporate Communications Director Pillows

'My son is a corporate communications director. He never calls and he never writes.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Under new blame.

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

HR - Helping Relationships

'I'd like to explain my ideas for economy within the company.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Target your message

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'