Communications Guru Gifts

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

"The President wants a calm, measured, evenhanded speech that kicks some serious butt."

Public Relations 101: Today's Lecture: 'Weapons of mass deception.'

"National security adviser"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

He liked his communication soft and cuddly.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

This Message Has No Content

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

Create some buzz!

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"Hello? Speaking, not listening."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

She - Interpreter - He.

Changing Minds

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

Letter Collecting Nerd

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'The usual ‘nod, nod, wink, wink' will do, Walter. We don't need the eyebrow twitch and nostril flares.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Salesman I-Pad Business Card

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"