Communication Professional Gifts

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."

What they say. . . What I hear. . .

It's like playing hooky...I let my cell phone batteries die!

"Fine, desert me and go back to your computers, but I'm warning you...you blogging is killing good old fashioned water cooler chit chat!"

'Dude, you can't tweet condolences! That demands the gravitas of an email.'

Messenger Pigeons

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Trial by Media

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

If nobody had invented graphics

Dialogue

Gay Times...

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Changing Minds

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

Ruddy bloggers!

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"