Commitment Jester Pillows

"Until the weapons of mass destruction are found."

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

'This is our fourth date together, don't we get a gold watch?'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

The Female Brain and The Other One

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'Jen, you knew when you married me, I was a 'corporate report' reading person - Not a 'summer fiction' reading person.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

'It's my wedding ring: My wife insists I wear it here to stop me flirting with other females...'

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Tony says he'll marry you when he gets back from his poker run. It totally slipped his mind that it was this weekend.'

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

'We still have a few minor issues to work out: I want a huge wedding and he wants to be single.'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"I'll do whatever it takes to save this marriage. Even if that means having to work weekends."

Man on treadmill with one leg in a cast.

'Look, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We chose to get married before living together.'

'And do you vow to give her all of your login passwords until death do you part?'

"The long prayer peek."

How To Keep Promises

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

'I'm just looking for a committed relationship. I'm sick of all the games.'