Commiseration Expert Pillows

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'My dog ate my computer.'

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Hunting Skool. What about your project, Oogie? The dot ate my homework.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

My department was abducted by aliens so there is no data between January and April.

'If we can't come up with better ideas, at least we should have better excuses.'

Proud Parent Of A Medical School Student With Huge Debt.

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'Homework done only $1.00' 'Homework eaten only $0.50'

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

"Have I been good or have you been bad?"

Ice Cream Flavors

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"Once again one of your "I'm late because I was abducted and operated on by aliens" excuses?"

'Would you believe, I didn't get my homework done because of PMS?'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

"Now I'm well, I miss my doctor."

"Breakfast will be a little late. Our computer's down."

'A sea view would be nice-Black Sea for him,Red Sea for me!'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

"I was hoping to settle this without avoiding some sort of argument."