Commercial Break Commentator Gifts

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

'The recession is over, again.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

Occupant.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Pundits

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'It's true that money can't buy everything, Caldwell, but it's not healthy to dwell on it.'

'I'm looking for people who find me intimidating.'

'I'm on my break, Sam... I'll call you back when I start work.'

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

'And now, an NBS News Special Investigative Report: Why doesn't President Obama get the respect and support he deserves?'

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

"While a cure for curiosity remains elusive, it continues to take a deadly toll."

Teachers Lounge. That's funny -- I was sure the "No Child Left Behind" act would cover field trips.

"Tonight's big story... we're leaving you... it's not you, it's us..."

'That's the end of the news - (B****RD MEN!!)'

"...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

"He's a genius at product placement."

"I just discovered where the company's money is going. Since when did we start paying our employees?"

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

'After nine commercials I've forgotten what film we were watching.'

"It's my in-tray!"

"Coming up on political gymnastics, the next candidate will try a triple reverse flip flop..."

"Weather rebuttal."

Bureau of Hospital Nursing - Be Back At IV.

"Dear, what the name of that company I'm the CEO of again?"

Presidential Pardons of the Rich and Famous.

"No, of course I don't want you to catch a nasty cold but..."

Father and son watching a TV sitcom

'Once again, you were right only fifty percent of the time. Have you considered a career as a TV weatherman?'