Commentary Creator Gifts

'I want to be a weatherman or a pundit. They never have to be right all the time.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

"But the good news is Trump has broken off diplomatic relations with them only on Twitter..."

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Sir Patrick Moore.

Tree of Public Opinion.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"Can you hear me now?"

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

Me when by BDD shows up

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

"Blogs, twitter, social media, politics - we're living in the golden age of being able to say stupid things!"

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"Actually, we will replace you."

Chess on TV

The United States of Amazement

Chicken standing on a platform on a stage with three horns in front of it and wearing a top hat; a sign on the side of the platform reads "National Endowment for the Arts - Seal of Approval."

"And me without a Twitter account."

"This is gonna be great!"