Comical Quip Lover Gifts

'You wouldn't be so quiet either if you had to sit on this board!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

"Look! No hands!"

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

Crap from the future.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Can I have flies with that'

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"You are still here."

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'Where Are They Now?'