Comical Labor Gifts

Delivery Room - Swear Box

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'What's wrong now?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'