Comical Labor Gifts

Delivery Room - Swear Box

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'What's wrong now?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'