Comic Relief In Fitness Pillows

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'

"Is that before or after tax?"

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

MD to patient: 'So, it's a little fuzzy and you're seeing spots?'