Comic Relief In Fitness Gifts

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'

"Is that before or after tax?"

MD to patient: 'So, it's a little fuzzy and you're seeing spots?'

'It's the half-empty bag of cookies from the back of the pantry. Should I tell them you'll call back?'

'I'm going to try something new. I'm not afraid of failing.'