Comic Relief Health-aware Gifts

"Don't forget your five a day."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'The Neurosis Pack.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

All you can eat salad bar has lifetime price.

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!