Healthcare Comic Relief Fan Gifts

'He's not in anything like intensive care. In fact, we're sort of ignoring him.'

You Are Here

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Orthopaedist

Exposed and imprisoned.

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"You got this, Nana."

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."