Healthcare Comic Relief Fan Gifts

'He's not in anything like intensive care. In fact, we're sort of ignoring him.'

You Are Here

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I think I have aixelsyd.'

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

"You got this, Nana."

Orthopaedist

Exposed and imprisoned.

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'