Hospital Comic Relief Gifts

'Now, I know I came in here for something!'

Man with cast in rude gesture.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'