Enjoying Hospital Comics Gifts

"We can't seem to agree... tell us, what do YOU thing is wrong with you?"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Quick! 5-second rule!

Orthopaedist

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Well my inner diagnostician thinks your inner diagnostician is completely off the wall.'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

Hospital Gift Shop

"Now where was I?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

'For Valentine's Day!'

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"You can have a local anesthetic or imported."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"Take one three times a day after meals."

"Could I get a second opinion?"

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Well, we finally figured out what the problem is...your warranty expired.'