Healthcare Comics Aficionados Gifts

'For Valentine's Day!'

'I suppose you thought it was funny paying your last bill with these and a note saying 'Take two of these every hour until we're settled up.''

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Quick! 5-second rule!

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Orthopaedist

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

"Now where was I?"

Hospital Gift Shop

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

'His heartbeat has been like that ever since he had the pig valve installed.'

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

'Too many tv dinners I'm afraid.'

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"I hope for your sake that my watch stopped!"

"Take one three times a day after meals."

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."