Comic Relief On The Course Pillows

"Did you see my ball come over dear?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

Dog Birthdays

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'