Comic Relief On The Course Pillows

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

'Sleep on your face again, Phil?'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

Optimism is extremely contagious.