Comic Relief Golfer Pillows

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"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"Ever eat a bird?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

The First Printed Bible

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"Swallow the ball and stick the club up your a**e."

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Hole in forty-seven.

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'