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"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Ever eat a bird?"

The First Printed Bible

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

"Swallow the ball and stick the club up your a**e."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

His golfing career in a long tailspin, PGA pro Andy Pemrick spent his later years as the pro at Happy Time Mini-Putt.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Hole in forty-seven.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"