Campus Comic Relief Pillows

'If you had a bad evaluation you'll know right away.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

The earlier, less publicized discovery of gravity by Corblatt.

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

College student cleans messy dorm room littered with clothes with leafsnow blower

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"Use your words, Jefferson! Not a roundhouse to the face!"

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'