Comic Relief For Couples Pillows

Woman in Bed Holds Sign Saying 'No.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'That never gets old.'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now