Comic Relief Coaches Pillows

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Ever eat a bird?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Chef De Party.

Tourist in the desert

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

How's my driving?

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'