Comic Relief Bringer Pillows

"You've got pussyfooting from 10 to 11, shilly-shallying until 12, then hemming and hawing the rest of the afternoon."

"April Fool's on her!"

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

"Guess what, Margaret. I've been upsourced."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Squirrel Chasing a Dog

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

"Eat me"

'It's good to be here. We're having economic problems where we come from.'

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'You're not supposed to catch them!'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

The Alpha Seltzer

Super Heroes.

My God, I need to fart.

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

No littering...

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

When Dinosaurs ruled the Earth.

'I say we invade and secure all those renewable resources.'

"What part of 'giddyup' don't you understand?"

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

What do you suggest we do about this?