Comic Relief Guru Pillows

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Touché"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

The First Printed Bible

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"I've changed my mind"

"I don't want to alarm you, but it seems that what you have on your back may actually be my backpack."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

When clowns run out ammunition.

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'