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"If he was holding up play, we'd call it 'justified homicide'"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

Dog detectives

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"He did it!"

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

'Where my balls go?'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'Ragrding our cash-flow problewm, it's agreed then...Sims enters the bank at 10am, Riggs will follow, and Yates drives the getaway car...'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer an accessory to computer fraud

'We've got a new DNA database...'

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

"Well well, Mr. Chamberlain. It seems you've discovered my secret."

Sistine murder

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Locking Up Crime

'This is a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

Fair and Balanced Reporting