Comic Cork-popper Gifts

'Your tip just went down substantially!'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

Finger puppets in church.

Wino Appreciation Group

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Can we discuss this?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

A little fizz?

Hungry rabbit attacking carrot nose of snowman.

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

'I've done the washing up - Do we have any glue?'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

"Isn't that Hank's mask?"

"Do I have one too?"

'So you're saying that if I truly repent all my sins will be deleted?'

'Thanks, but next time can you be more subtle when you think my sermon has gone too long?'

The room for adults who like to complain about children making noise at church

'It's pure psychology - as soon as I've finished my sermon on coverting wives and wordly goods. Get the collection plates round'.