Comfort In Humor Pillows

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Apricots

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."

"I feel like I can't trust myself around food."

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yes, I know darling, getting a sore throat is bad: it really hurts to swallow..."

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

'I perched on Blackbeard's shoulder for three years, then went to work for Long-John Silver...'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Watch out for number one.

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

'I went with a tour group to Europe, and they dumped me in Spain.'

'Next!'

"The parrot you sold me will only through his lawyer!"

'To get ahead in business, you can't lose your head. Pun intended.'