Enjoying Humor Pillows

'I cut my finger opening a package of bandaids.'

'Can you keep a secret about yourself.'

'Crowd control has never been easier since this Moses guy joined up.'

Policeman

Common golf problems - 'Greens are really slow today.'

'He broke his wrist trying to open his medicine.'

Perky Blinders

Spider reads sign on water pipe which says 'You must be this itsy bitsy to climb up this water spout'.

'Typical, the World's covered in water and Noah runs aground.'

'I'm afraid you have dry rot.'

'Well, normally a cup of hot tea in the morning is a good thing, but...'

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

We don't laugh at the same YouTube videos anymore.

A storm in a teacup.

'It's been taken care of.'

'Do you get brain freeze when you eat a snow cone too fast?'

'Should we let him in? He said he was Puff-Daddy, now P-Diddy.'

'Next!'

Jack, with a sweet tooth! 'Look, Ma! I traded the cow for these little candies! And guess what, they don't melt in your hand!'

On Its Way To Mohammed. . . The Mountain Drops In On Tom.

Billy. The Kid.

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Aggression/Security

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Scenic View offers mountain with cherry on top.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

Wall Street...