Comedy Underdog Pillows

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

The trauma of losing.

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

"I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job."

Published but unread poet.

Stop the big guy!

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

'My mother made me apply.'

Masochistic Soccer Fan

'Determined little guy.'