Literary Underdog Pillows

How to Overcome Your Fear Of Books

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

Ant holds up the word 'TRIUMPH'.

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

Masochistic Soccer Fan

"I don't care if you are a Leicester City fan - you can come down off that cloud right now!"

'My mother made me apply.'

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

A boxer refuses to give up after he has lost the fight.

"The name's Bond. Duane Bond."

The forgotten Grimm brother

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Job centre - casual jobs; rotten, insecure low-paid jobs;dull, boring, repetitive jobs; Jobs that no-one in their right mind would consider.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

'It's the toxic learning environment.'

Undergraduate talking to college porter

'I'm sorry, but you haven't got the job.'

"Misses 100% of the shots he does take. Still loves hockey."

Say it loud! We suck and we're proud!

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."