Life's Underdog Pillows

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

The trauma of losing.

"Eat my dust!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Stop with this mathematics dictatorship."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

'Oh great, we'll never win with this nerd on our team.'

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

"I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job."

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'Determined little guy.'

Masochistic Soccer Fan

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"It's just that sometimes, I feel like I'm on a sinking ship!"

'Nah, I wasn't really afraid. See, even though he's pretty mighty as far as mice go, he's still, well, a mouse.'