Comedy Sprinter Gifts

Starter's Blocks.

City Marathon.

"How should we divide the teams?"

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

"Previously on..."

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

'Think Basics.'

John Cleese

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

'The exercise hasn't been a total failure. My personal trainer lost 10 pounds.'

Clown doing curl with barbell has springing ball emerge from bicep.

'Realist Trac, with 4 settings...'

'Synchronised swimming.'

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

"I'll race you the last inch."

'Reminds me of my first wife - finds it hard to let go...'

Shin splints. Next 5 miles.

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Potholes.

Marathon winners.

Myrtle learns a fatal lesson about swimming during a certain time of the month.

'Nothing. Zip. Nada... Dude, none of these marathoners are carrying cigarettes!'

"You're closing a door. No, wait. You're pulling something. . . You've strained a muscle in your arm, in your back, in your leg?"

Golfing Work-out

'Wait for me!'

"Well if you WILL insist on running marathons..."

Gentlemen riders, who are so like professional jocks, you can hardly tell the difference!