Comedy Sketch Collector Gifts

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

"You're pretty fast stranger, but that's your cell phone."

'Arms drop.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

Fly driving a car with little humans on the windscreen.

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

A large leaf falling on a dog

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Banana Split...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

E-Baying @ The Moon

"The Eggsorcist"

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

Snowmobull

'Excuse me could you please direct me to the nearest toilet?'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

Filet minion

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Turtle Hat

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."