Comedy Sketch Appreciator Pillows

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

"Hey, nice toupee."

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'

"A few years ago they didn't even have a category for talking dogs."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Who's got the hammer?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Oh Hi!'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Steamed vegetables."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

The Greek Trampoline

"Amateurs."