Comedy Sketch Appreciator Gifts

'...Or does it go 'measure twice and cut once'?'

Can I have another free biscuit for my dog? Sure. Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits? You sure this is for your dog? Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?

"Hey, nice toupee."

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'

"A few years ago they didn't even have a category for talking dogs."

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Who's got the hammer?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

Fly Fishing

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

The Pink Bantha

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"Steamed vegetables."

'Oh Hi!'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."